Getting Fired After Setting My Boundaries
No one is obligated to respect your boundaries, not even your employers.
During August of this year, I was fired from a job after sending the CEO and the Board Chairman my honest feedback of my 90 day review, as well as a short of list of things I was not willing to compromise on any longer. They didn’t come back with questions or curiosity. They came back with, “this isn’t working out”.
As a career-driven 38 year-old woman who has never been fired from any job, I felt rejected but also relieved. I had a feeling that my honesty and my clarity to no longer neglect my family was not going to mesh well with the grind culture of the company.
Sharing the news with my fiancé turned out to be a blessing. His comforting words, a leisurely walk, and a treated lunch underscored that what had happened might be for the best. Here's why.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been focused on my career. That’s really hard for me to admit because I thought the opposite. But after I got honest with myself, I realized that my career came before anything else - my friends, my family, even my health. I’d hold my pee to be able to keep working - that led to UTI’s and eventually a kidney infection. I skipped working out and enjoying time with friends - that led to bouts of depression and lethargy. I ignored household tasks - that led to a messy disorganized home. I ignored my partner’s needs that he’s repeatedly communicated - that led to repetitive fights and almost breaking up. I ignored raising my daughter by focusing on keeping her busy with extra-curricular activities - that led to her talking back and not knowing how to regulate her emotions.
Work consumed me. It was my distraction. It allowed me to ignore the complete chaos that surrounded my life and how I haven’t been showing up for my relationships. At my jobs, I was seen as kind, smart, the fixer, the problem solver, the one who gets things done. At home, I felt like failure. And so, God took away my main distraction. He took away the job so that I had nothing to do but to face and participate in my life. And I’m so glad he did.
Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned:
A job is here to help me live my life, not take over it.
Ask more questions during the interview process that will give me a clearer picture of how it is to work at that company. Questions like, “Have you gone on vacation recently. What’s it like taking time from work?” or “How do you like to take your lunch or breaks throughout the day?” or “Describe the review and approval process” or “What’s the process for budget planning?”. These questions will give me an idea of whether there’s clear processes in place and respect for employees’ time.
Agree on a 90-day goal in addition to a 1-year goal so that your employer CANNOT try to hold you unrealistic standards. In my case, I was expected to produce results in 90 days that take most professionals and agencies 6-8 months. This would have been avoided if I had a 90 day goal that we both agreed on.
Set boundaries from the get-go. It was great that I set boundaries eventually but what would have been more effective is setting those from the start.
If I ever find myself working for a company again, I will find one that values family. The CEO that I worked for was older than me, single, no kids, lived alone. So it makes sense why they weren’t understanding or cared about family as much as someone like me.
I can work hard for a company, make them rich, and get paid so I can pay my bills. Or I can start a family business, work hard, get paid and take home the profits to build generational wealth for my family. So, I’m going all in on all the projects I want to do, starting with creating content for our community, launching the marketing agency I run with my fiance, and our non-profit organization for families.
I had no clue how to run a household and I need to learn asap. So, I used my spreadsheet and OCDness to create this House Cleaning Planner (subscribe below to get access to that).
I needed to upgrade my relationship skills. I dove deeper into therapy, my wives group, re-started religiously practicing Laura Doyle’s Intimacy Skills, and brushed up on the principles of Non-Violent Communication.
I never thought I would ever experience getting fired but I’m glad I did. It’s because of this huge blow to my ego that I realized how checked out I’ve been from my life.
