How To Stop Suffering
Suffering is the state of undergoing pain, distress or hardship.
Most of us have experienced suffering at some point in our lives. Some encounter it more than others. The degree and amount of suffering is also unrelated to how much or little money we have, our level of education, or where we come from. Suffering don’t discriminate.
From personal experience, I used to feel a regular dose of suffering. I suffered from disappointment in situations that I wished turned out differently. I suffered from shame in the fact that I hadn’t “reached” a certain point in my career. I suffered from annoyance that my partner just can’t load the dishes in the dishwasher the “right” way. I normalized suffering as an inevitable part of my daily life, which made me a stressed party-pooping person who complained and felt powerless of her situation.
Then came one of the most influential spiritual teachers of my life, Eckhart Tolle. He’s never met me and I’ve never met him. But the effect that he’s had on me has been transformational. He taught me that suffering is caused by one’s inability to accept one’s current circumstance. In other words, I suffered because I was fighting against and did not want to accept the now, the present. And because I didn’t want to accept the present I missed out on 2 very important things:
I missed out on seeing the endless opportunities that were presenting themselves around me. During periods of suffering and stress, it’s very difficult for me (or anyone) to be present, to notice and be aware of what’s taking place around me. That includes people, ideas, and other opportunities that actually could have helped me. This is why individuals who are chronically stressed or habitually complaining can’t seem to get out of their difficult situation because they repel the abundance around them from entering their psyche. Instead of being open and welcoming solutions, they are unconsciously attracting more suffering and more stress because that is all they can focus on in that moment.
I missed out on realizing that I had the power to change my circumstance, not some outside magical force or superhero. For change to take place, I had to first accept what was happening and take accountability for my role in creating my suffering. And when I did achieve that sense of acceptance, understanding and compassion, I was finally able to break free of my shadows and realized that shit, things aren’t even bad. I was choosing to experience life with suffering and I actually can also consciously choose to experience life in a brand new way. A way where I focus on the abundance, love, opportunity, and joy that are at my disposal at all times. And knowing that should difficulties come my way (because lets face it - challenges are a part of life that no being can escape), I can choose to see it as way for me to grow, to become a stronger leader, to be a compassionate mother, to be a more loving partner, to be strategic problem solver. I can choose to look at the challenges as gifts.
Now, when I catch myself suffering or stressing out, here are the steps I take.
I take a breath.
Then I ask myself, “what about this very moment am I having trouble accepting?”
Then, I ask myself, “what need do I have right now and how can I give that to myself?
Doing that allows me to let go and actually do something to fix my situation.
Lets try the exercise together. Let’s say I’m stuck in traffic and may run late for my interview. I take a breath. I then tell myself that I’m having trouble accepting my tardiness because it makes me look like an irresponsible person. My need here is to look responsible. So, to give myself that, I can call the interviewer to let them know that I may be late.
Now, try it on your own and let me know what you think.
*Ekhart Tolle is a spiritual teach and author of books, The Power of Now and A New Earth.
