Don't Let Your Traumas Hold You Back
Every human being will encounter traumas in their lifetime, regardless of how much money we make, how nice our parents are, or where we are born.
Trauma happens to everyone and they have the power to shape our thoughts, beliefs, and actions. And for some, traumas can have the power to become who they are.
But, it doesn’t have to be that way.
We are not our traumas. You are not your traumas.
But with a lack of awareness, our traumas can put us in situations that we actually don’t want to be in.
Here’s a personal example. And before I share, I just want to point out that traumas come in all shapes and sizes. We’re all different and have had diverse life experiences. No trauma is more important than the other.
My traumatic experience is one that has to do with my weight. I was probably about 6 or 7 years old. My mom and I were somewhere walking around and an obese person passed us. She told me that that’s what I’ll become if I don’t start losing weight. It didn’t stop there, though. Every time I saw relatives, mainly aunties and grandmas, they always gave me tips on how to lose weight. Eat more fruit. Cut down on the rice. Exercise. They’d proceed to tell me that I had a beautiful face and that all I need is the body to match. They’re saying this to a 7 year old.
I was able to lose the weight through portion control, vomiting after meals, and having an obsessive love-hate relationship with food. This bulimic behavior persisted from about age 10 till my senior year in high school. I couldn’t force myself to throw up in college anymore since I was using the shared bathroom facilities at the UCLA dorms. I didn’t want anyone to hear or see what I was doing since that’ll cause other problems.
Those simple interactions with the women in my family became traumas that held me back from having a healthy relationship with food and my body. It also prevented me from building a strong sense of self-love during the critical times of childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. I continuously felt not good enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough. I was always scared to be called fat to the point that my biggest fear in life was to be overweight.
I’ve gotten over that fear now but these traumatic experiences don’t vanish. They’re still here. Only now, as an empowered adult, I don’t let it define me and take over my entire life (children, unfortunately, don’t have this luxury since they are vulnerable to the adults in their lives). I’m conscious of it and being conscious of it allowed me to:
Have compassion for myself.
Have compassion for my mom, aunties, and grandmas knowing that their goal wasn’t to lead me to bulimia. It was to protect me from societal ridicule and health problems.
Let go of my trauma since it no longer serves me.
Block my family’s projections on how they think I should look or eat
Listen to my body and only feed it good, nutritious food when it needs
All of this has led me to heal and have a deeper newfound love for myself. I now look at food as a way to honor and nourish my mind and my body.
So remember, no matter what traumatic experience you’ve had, just know that it doesn’t have to define you. You have a choice to think, believe, and do something different.
You are bigger than your traumas. So, choose to see them as a force for growth, not a reason for stagnation.
Big big props to Dr. Shefali Tsbary. A few months ago, I didn’t know that these impactful events that happened in our lives were called traumas. Her Instagram video was a magnificent force of aha moments that led me to understanding why I do what I do, why I think what I think, and why I believe what I believe. Thank you for blessing me with your gifts, Dr. Shefali!
